After three months of pregnancy, she stopped working, but she did not start doing any of the home chores. I love this girl I really do and I'm gonna do my best to sort this out. Performance & security by Cloudflare. Yeah, I know that I shouldn't want to hang out with these people. If you are even a minute late, she will lose it on you and say things; as you know, I was sitting here thinking about killing myself because of you. They direct their emotions inward rather than outward so things hardly ever seem out of place until your blind sided. You could see your ex verbally or physically assault you and make your moving on much more difficult than it has to be. At least during the first year. At least not until he or she is emotionally stable, happy, and independent in most areas of life. Hardly any of this is true. The action you just performed triggered the security solution. Ill never understand I know it was all fake but how? How I am currently the only person that keeps her sane. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. It's probably that. I had to hire a cleaning lady. Holy shit.you weren't joking when you said it gets worse !!! Yeah she's toxic and all but they are too and made shit worse. Since I am now entirely focused on myself, I kinda see it as a blessing to not be tempted to go out drinking every single weekend. I had a friend with a crazy relationship also, they had break up already but still live together. I really find it to be entirely equal. The feelings get pushed down, out of ones awareness because they are painful. The author uses no journals, research papers etc to prove their theories are based on fact. Please include what you were doing when this page came up and the Cloudflare Ray ID found at the bottom of this page. This is not only about your pwBPD. You could also use some new friends. Also ngl I have a hard time believing ypur story too as far as the sex worker but you know if you're telling the truth or not. After that period, it was a nightmare. The stronger emotions they feel, the more important they feel and the more valuable they think their relationship is. BPD splitting destroys relationships because the behaviour can be impulsive or reckless in order to alleviate the pain, often hurting loved ones in the process. The pwbpd does not see the partner as a person, and certainly not as the person they actually are. Therefore, there is nothing you can do to fix it. Destroyed my relationship BPD. When he saw us together, he came took my hand and placed her in her hand. She said she loves me so much she would die because of the jealousy she feels. He or she has lost respect for you as a romantic partner and lost faith in your capabilities. They usually attempt to split the therapist against their partner. Maybe that is something to think about? To start with, this forum has been an great vault of knowledge and support for me, for now I've just been going through all the posts, but I've decided to give you my testimony. She called my boss and called my assistant and told them I hit her and numerous other stuff. Borderline Personality Disorder Forum . There are several actions that could trigger this block including submitting a certain word or phrase, a SQL command or malformed data. You can generally plot out a borderline personality disorder relationship cycle into six stages of progression. Hope you follow what I write. Often, whatever they say can be taken the wrong way, so they either give up or defend. Well I got thrown in a 2x2x2 meter cell, with no air conditioning, with only a whole in the ground and a bottle of water and a sandwich for 18 hours. Thank you Zan, I will never forget you and your care. We had a huge fight the day before I left and I was planning on breaking up with she said absolutely TERRIBLE things to me like wishing that I got AIDS. Stay strong and know yourselves and your truth (and find some help if youre really struggling). She said my picture should be next to BPD. You cant imagine how much I needed to hear this before. And kissed her, then kissed me. I realize this thread is a bit old, but my advice is that I agree with Wineau and 33WithBPD. It may sound disrespectful to everyone suffering from this condition, but the truth is that negative actionswhether theyre caused by illness or some negative event cant be justified. Those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) use the defense mechanism splitting, which causes them to feel extremes of either good or bad. And if they feel disinterested, they ghost and/or coldly pull away. RodMan, it's like you wrote my story for me; down to the timeline. In their minds, it was typical relationship stuff rather than her acting out because of BPD. Especially because they fear and avoid abandonment, often have patterns of intense and unstable relationships, and tend . They themselves lack control, so they look for a person wholl be understanding and tolerant of their unhealthy behavior. My therapist said that my ex maybe had BPD. As I said, you have a huge responsibility. Be prepared to walk on eggshells for life, and stay strong. If she is having a bad day about her body imagine remind her of how beautiful she is, even if she denies it tell her that in your eyes she is amazing and nothing will change your mind. Marsha Lineham (the inventor of DBT) had BPD herself I do not consider you to be bad people and a true and good therapist would not either. I packed my things, took my son and moved to my parents. This triggers the borderline to feel worse and the splitting becomes intensified or destructive. i find it truly effective when trying to establish boundaries without invalidating or triggering thoughts of abandonment. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition where people struggle with self-image and emotion regulation. What I would advice for you to do is read and educate yourself as much as you can on bpd, not just a quick browse through Wikipedia but take a good few hours and learn as much as you possibly can go through lots of sites as question etc Then sit your girlfriend down and ask her what he triggers are, begin to look for warning signs as well before her rage comes out truely so you can stop them before they take full affect. Weve created a quick list for you of symptoms that may indicate someone has BPD. Little do they know. Most just justify their actions with their feelings and perceptions (especially false perceptions) and continue to react impulsively to them. Therapy assists the borderline to deal with their feelings, instead of blaming their partner for their past wounds. After a week of kitesurfing in Spain, I received a text from work I had to send a small report (5 minutes of work tops). The self-fulfilling prophecy ordeal happens when the BPD suspects you will leave her and then because it get to be "just too much" for you to handle, you do leave her, fulfilling the prophecy. What Colors Make Blue Food Coloring Blue? Borderline Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group. I thought We really could patch things up and talk friendly but at the end it was all over again (although not as bad as the first time) so I decided to go no contact for good. Abusive, as she would lost the rest of respect for me. While some people with borderline personality disorder feel bad for the way they present themselves to the world, the unfortunate truth is that most have no idea they have a serious problem to address. A borderline person cant change because the issue is much more deep-rooted and requires a change of mindset which oftentimes only professional help and medication can achieve. Borderline splitting occurs when the person disowns their feelings so they do not get in touch with them. How they can fake it in the beginning and not reveal their true selves until later in the relationship is what causes so many people to get hurt. Ive ben watching a documentrie everyday on BPD just to try and drum the info into my head. She made a mother of all mayhems. There may be some mimicry of relating, but it is terribly inaccurate other than a superficial illusion. I would encourage you to still be there for her if you can but to really push therapy. Its better to be temporarily lonely than be a chew toy. I hope someday I feel free from this pain and gain my lessons. Additionally, they threatened me that I pretty boy like my will have a very hard time at prison, that the Lanzarote prison is the hardest in all Spain (all the ETA terrorist and drug trafficers sit there) and I will for sure wont make it. They may not realise that their feelings belong within them, so they think that their partner is responsible for hurting them and causing them to feel this way. And just like Zan, you dont have your credentials listed either. Your ex was the one responsible for staying in love with you and for dealing with BPD. My overnight ghosting occurred after I (by mistake) almost caused her and her husband to break up and she split me black for almost a year. 2 They're also prone to Wes spoken about moving in together and spending the holidays together. Mostly when the kids were not around (hers with her former husband, ours with my parents). Unfortunately, it's just the beginning. Fuck. I wrote for you in the previous texts that my ex dumped me on my birthday without any closure, and as I was with him for 2 years I know he has BPD traits refusing to meet a therapist. The kid thing it's a lack of any bounderies I think. They dont care about you that much, but deep down they can. By the way, am in a well-functioning and good relationship with a man who loves me for who I am. Btw, Christmas morning she loved me. BPD splitting destroys relationships by causing the person to distort how they see themselves and others. Its quite the opposite. Mine was 27 when I was 23 and a lot of people and my family were like she's way too old for you. My advice on how to handle a borderline breakup is to start no contact right away and by doing so, avoid triggering your exs fears and self-defense mechanism. Always. are you familiar with the term 'validation sandwich'? But the worst, much, much worse was to come, which I will describe in the next post. The thing with borderline people is that they subconsciously look for someone who can bend to their will. I've met my girlfriend at work, at a worldwide corporation dealing with real estate. In my opinion, a borderline personality disorder breakup is one of the 3 types of personality disorder breakups that is emotionally and psychologically the most challenging to overcome. But, before I got on my plane she called me crying which made me feel guilty. It should be considered a mental illness that affects around 1.5% of people in the United States, 75% of which are women. Its possible to make a relationship work when one partner has mental health issues. Wow, this is intense. your notes helped me a lot. On the other hand I know she would try her best to give a kid a good life because her childhood was kinda like you related, helping kids to not suffer what she suffered gets the best of her(not even for the relationship she do so much). Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) And Concussion. It made me realize my mistake as a normal person would when dealing with BPD break up. And I did, because of my son. emotionally and physically abuse their partner, break their partner down and apologize after, constantly shift from hot to cold and vice versa, appear obsessed and addicted to various (unhealthy) substances, expect double standards (I can do this, but you cant), control and demand constant attention, support, validation and provide very little reassurance in return, cause envy and jealousy and look for a negative reaction, obsessively seek control (go through the phone, stalk on social media, and dig deep into peoples pasts), justify their toxic behavior with the way they feel, spreading rumors and smearing you to his/her friends and to the people you know, dating someone new right after the breakup and bragging about it, calling you bad names and trying to bring a bad reaction out of you, prank calling you and exposing your secrets/vulnerabilities, throwing tantrums for not receiving your attention, trying to ruin your relationships, damage your work, and affect the way you perceive yourself, find someone else and pretend to be happy with that person, promise to change ask you to give him/her one more chance despite giving him or her plenty of chances. 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