When I want something, it doesnt seem so important. Here is a little clip from Mars and Venus Together Forever: Relationship Skills for Lasting Love. And is it really irrational to do first the only thing you can do firstthis is from Bonnie Grays point of viewand so, clear the way to do what can, after all, be done second? You saw in the book, the statistics are just terrible with this. Estrogen is also a key thing for women. Can those of us alive today in the 21st century take a cue from our turn of the 20th century ancestors when it comes to sustaining solid marriages that dont end in divorce, re-invigorating marital sexual relations, and even aiding in fertility? But as for the John Gray thing, I see the value in the underpinnings of what hes saying, but the text is just so . Gray is not asking men to be more aware of their feelings. If a guy feels guilty for taking time away, or if he just doesnt take time away, then gradually his testosterone levels get lower and lower and his interest in the relationship becomes less and less. Why a man's testosterone goes down and estrogen goes up when they feel stuck. Suddenly, our lives have become so fast that now women are seeking ways to cope with stress, and some are doing it more effectively than others. We are no longer limited by the traditional roles of hunter/gatherer or breadwinner/homemaker. (LogOut/ They need to forget about their problems to get their testosterone up. If my wife says, I want to go get a massage, I know men that would say, Well, honey, thats expensive. If my wife wants a massage, thats as important as a doctors appointment (laughs). The problem is that she has feelings that prevent her from having a fact-based conversation about the computer and other household needs. dr john gray wife, bonnie 27 Feb. dr john gray wife, bonnie When I want something, it doesnt seem so important. His many books, blogs, and free online workshops at MarsVenus.com provide practical insights to improve relationships at all stages of life and love. As I grew older, I had a wonderful relationship with my parents and in the early 1980s, I married my wife, Bonnie, and we went on our honeymoon. She learned to create a life where she has friends, and she has rhythm and she has routine, so she is basically very happy. But to become like a woman is not the answer. I dont mean to upset you. The next four exchanges are presented as a block. If we are going to spend money, there are other things we could spend it on. (Photo by Acey Harper/Getty Images) PURCHASE A LICENSE Get personalized pricing by telling us when, where, and how you want to use this asset. For men, anytime they do something difficult. PR.com: I particularly love the two page cartoon in the center of this book. I want to go unwind and watch a movie. I had him go into a room and shut the door. Yes, we clearly got a couple of good ones, and I know you were being self-congratulatory in a jokey way, but we are with Kathie and Bette out of choice, not providence. Where it can be a problem is where women deny their feminine side, and see it as a form of weakness. Many die of heart attack with no plaque and 50% who die of a heart attack have normal cholesterol. Our community includes doctors, healers and integrative practitioners dedicated to helping you heal naturally. Cancer and the New Biology of Water with Dr. Thomas Cowan | Part 2. I think its a very very young Bonnie Gray. He asked if he could talk to me, but I said, Do so at your own risk because youll end up wanting to get back involved in this relationship.. He has appeared repeatedly on Oprah, as well as on The Dr. Oz Show, TODAY, CBS This Morning, Good Morning America, and others. When I do what John Gray says to do, everything works out really well. John Gray: Thats right. (He says he didnt like being questioned, but by saying as little as this, he was able to prevent clashing with her). Goodbye, bickering. Why porn will raise a man's testosterone but then lower it dramatically as their estrogen levels increase which isn't healthy for them. Bonnie is Johns wife and in his books, she needs to act in ways that allow him to model how husbands should respond when their wives seem petulant and unreasonable. That is the formula for healthy relationships. Early man had to learn to duck and dodge his enemies in battle, for instance, so it should come naturally for a husband to duck and dodge his wifes unreasonable tongue-lashing. So the greater the stress in our lives, the more the differences [between men and women] will tend to show up. For men their hearts open when they are successful in helping others. WebIn hardcover, it was the #1 bestselling book of the 1990s. No one has really done that. Its just a feeling. Then please SUBSCRIBE, RATE AND SHARE with your loved ones!! I want to poke just a little today at the way John and Bonnie Gray illustrate what communication between a husband and a wife ought to look like. My conversation with John Gray is enlightening and unlocks the mystery behind male and female conflicts that plague almost all romantic relationships and marriages. How do they find their way back to each other under these circumstances? We help humans discover physical & emotional intelligence to live life well, We help humans discover physical& emotional intelligence to live life well, Copyright 2022 Wellness Force Media All Rights Reserved. It was men hanging out. Key insight into how men and women can be heart health? When the book first came out, it was primarily women who bought it. PR.com: This may be an offensive question for some people, but do you think that the womens movement over the past few decades has actually hindered male/female relationships and caused the divorce rate to rise? We are naturally drawn to situations that help us cope with stress. He would protect them and he would help fix things when they break, and he was kind of the emergency man (a term Gray refers to in his book). Very little more was expected of him. Gray married self-help author Barbara De Angelis and they divorced in 1984, after which he re-evaluated his ideas about relationships. Estrogen suppresses testosterone. We charge a nominal fee for our Bootcamps in order to cover our costs of running the bootcamps and the doctors time. Thats a common phenomena, and that is a problem for relationships. dr john gray wife, bonnie 27 Feb. dr john gray wife, bonnie Why women experience automatic negative thoughts when they are in their masculine rather than feminine self. Its really important for women, more so than for men, to have female friends. If a woman is stressed, holding space for her means hearing what she has to But when a man opens up about his feelings a woman becomes even more concerned with upsetting him. I was the bystander I had in mind and I really would not like to see that transaction, much less to be on the receiving end of Bonnies anger. According to John Gray, PhD, relationships expert and author and creator of the Mars and Venus franchise, the answer is yes. - Dr. John Gray of @MarsVenus, When a woman is on her masculine side after working her job all day, she holds onto negative emotions. But the flip side is that in the process many women experience divorce or never got married, and they wonder, Why am I not attractive to men? and Why am I never satisfied with the men that Im in relationships with? So there is a lot of confusion that came about. (She persisted). For women- When you feel successful in getting the love and support they need. The power of listening and telling your partner, Help me understand that better, when they're emotional and, Why the only way to grow is to get out of your, Why a man's testosterone will actually go up when he listens to and helps his partner release and, The four emotions that will both release negativity very quickly and raise. The truth is, even though our roles have shifted, there are still fundamental differences between men and women. On a certain level, when a guy stops having sex or when he doesnt want sex, he doesnt want it, so he doesnt miss it. I always believed it was just our preferences. Any time a man has difficult challenge something hes good at and enjoys doing hes testosterone goes up. WebAuthor John Gray & his wife Bonnie lying on a hammock in their backyard. Grow your brand authentically by sharing brand content with the internets creators. My jobs much easier then. He says he is ducking and dodging, continuing to hold back and not retaliate, but he is aware that he can take only so much more. The solution is that John ducks and dodges long enough (he was getting close to the edge there at the end) that Bonnie gets the feelings out; she appreciates his listening to her; the emotional relationship is restored; and, eventually, the household purchases will be decided upon. My daughter Lauren and I are deeply committed to helping you attract, create, and nurture the love that is your birthright. When the sexual attraction is gone it is really hard to stay in a relationship today. it gives you 30 days of free weekly tracking of your moods, diet, meds, symptoms, notes, goals and gratitude. (He observes this, after a pause. He has been profiled in Time, Forbes, USA Today, and People. How much is this computer going to cost? 1 lb. Asa bystander, I ask the kinds of questions I am going to look at in the next post in this series. I just want you to know in advance that it sounds worse than it is. She then allows me to take her from happy to happier; from feeling good to feeling great. So lets do the easy response first. It brings up those issues. We have to have a life that is rich in different types of support. So they did the best they could, and they became like men in order to get that respect. If we are going to spend money, there are other things we could spend it on. My friend is engaged to this woman and theyre having some difficulties. Well I AM upset. They just need to know what to do. It is to marry a woman with dual citizenship and both of us have chosen that solution. We always do what you want to do and you always get your way. Why men flee to protect their partner from the fight and the dragon inside of them. OWN is a singular destination on cable. We dont look to one person for everything. I ask questions like, Is it really fair that I have to put up with this kind of abuse over and over?, I ask, Is this really the best she can do?, I ask, Is it always going to be like this.. John Gray: Well, if you go to indigenous cultures, for example, women are rarely upset with their husbands the way that in the West we are. Gray married his second wife, Bonnie, in 1986; she died of cancer in 2018. Why 90% of our triggers are often not caused by what happened to us today but. Yours works fine. We want to be the whip cream. Ill still forget to do stuff, but my wife just simply asks me to do it again. USA Today listed his book as one of the top 10 most influential books of the last quarter century. Gray runs through things women prepare for: meals, children, their appearance, relationship, and so on. PR.com: Ill admit I was making that mistake. Once women are on their independent side, they tend to always see what's wrong with you which means they don't trust you which makes it even harder for them to go to their female side and share emotions in a more positive way. Dr. John Gray. I dont know. In some cases, that denial of femininity shows up as liking to hang out with guys. Optimieren Sie Ihren Workflow mit unserem erstklassigen Digitalen Asset Management System. Here they are in much earlier days, before all the ducking and dodging and pausing and preparing. That was the easy response. "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" author John Gray with his wife, Bonnie, at their Hill Top Ranch on the Mendocino Coast celebrating their 27th wedding anniversary. John Gray/company John and Bonnie Gray are no ordinary couple. I think the bridge only goes halfway. John Gray: Yes, he did (laughs). PR.com: We have a fourteen month old. John Gray: It magnifies it dramatically, and it makes you more dependent on each other. I MUCH prefer the earlier title of this book: His point in this book is that we dont know what we need to know because our parents didnt tell us and they didnt tell us because we are living a life that would have mystified them entirely. Poor me is addictive, and releases the wrong hormones. Estrogen is a very dominant female hormone, but if estrogen levels are out of balance and there is not enough estrogen, then the oxytocin is not as effective in lowering stress for women, so there is a relationship there. So whatever Bonnie Gray is actually like, in the books, she needs to seem petulant and unreasonable. Based on what Ive heard before and read here, it feels like it was written completely for women, which kind of defeats the purpose. Bonnie: Whats wrong with the computer you already have? By Allison Kugel, Senior Editor - July 15, 2010, Reproduction without explicit written permission is prohibited. Crazy. I re-wrote it and used the original title that I wanted to begin with, which was Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. His most recent book is Beyond Mars and Venus: new relationship skills for our complex modern world. - Dr. John Gray of @MarsVenus. John Gray: Yes and no. TheBREATHE | Breath & Wellness21 day guided program was made for you. The goal is lower estrogen and increasing testosterone. I know Ive been the emotional one plenty of times, not aware of why. 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